英語いたずらジョーク

Why does the pope wear trunks in the bath? He doesn’t like to look down on the unemployed.

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Did you hear about the gay magician? He vanished with a poof.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp……he bought a warehouse.

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Mickey Mouse has been thrown out of Disneyland. Not sure, but I heard it had something to do with Muffin the Mule.

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Why did the snooker player go to the toilet? To pot the brown.

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What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?…..Erotic, you use a feather. Kinky you use the whole chicken.

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What’s the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a light bulb.

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What gets longer when pulled, fits between a women’s tits, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked hard? A Seat Belt.

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It goes in dry and it comes out wet, the longer it’s in the stronger it gets, it comes out dripping and starts to sag… it’s a Tetley’s tea-bag.

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What’s a monkey got in common with a chainsaw? They both shag up trees.

What do Tony Blair and Peter Stringfellow have in common?….They both love bush.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs, playing the piano? Clever Dick.

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What’s pink and hard first thing in the morning? The Financial Times Crossword.

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A woman went in to a chemist and asked if they sold extra large condoms. “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?” replied the shop assistant. “No, but do you mind if I wait till somebody does?”

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News flash just in… A man flashed at three old ladies sitting on a bench on Clapham common… two had a stroke but the other couldn’t reach.

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What is the difference between burnt toast and a pregnant woman? Nothing. In both cases it was taken out too late.

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What’s the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMT? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

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What’s pink and hard? A pig with a flick knife.

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When is a pixie not pixie? When she has her head down an elf’s pants……then she’s a goblin

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What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs smoking?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

What’s George Michael got in common with a pair of wellies?
Both get sucked off in bogs.

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Elton John goes into a chemist.

“Can I have some Vaseline please?” he says to the woman behind the counter.

“Awww, sore lips?” says the woman.

“No dear, it’s for chaps”

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What do you call a Serbian prostitute?
Slobadan Micokyabic.

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Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my arse!
I’ll have to give you some cream for that.

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What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A fridge doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.

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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You’ve already told her twice.

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What’s the difference between a buffalo in your airing cupboard and being raped by a heavyweight boxer?
One’s having a bison in your towels, the other’s having a Tyson in your bowels.

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There were 2 prozzys sitting by the river on a sunny afternoon.
“It’s going to be a great night tonight I smell cock in the air.”
“Oh sorry that was me I burped.”

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What’s long, hard and full of siemen?
A Submarine.

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